RELATIONSHIPS HAVE THE GREATEST POTENTIAL FOR

INFLUENCE UPON YOU ... AND BY YOU ON OTHERS

RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS

God has equipped you with unique talents and strengths, and has a plan for your life.

Only you can influence those particular people God has placed around you.

He caused you to be born when and where you were born, with those same parents – good or bad, and for your influences from people – good or bad, which can shape you.

Unfortunately, along the way, our choices may have stalled God’s Plan for you, but His Blueprint for your life is still in place, ready for you to re-engage with it.

Today too, you have choices – to bring God into all your relationships, to treat others as you would like to be treated, and be an influence for good against a river of selfishness and sadness.

‘Listen to Life’ – and see what God is showing you with situations around you.

As the saying goes: You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.

As young children we are all very much influenced by the family and teachers we interact with.

Until the age of about 3yrs, children tend to focus on themselves, and learning to share and kindness to our peers develops after that time… usually!

A happy childhood in which we have a stable family group who are kind and nurturing is ideal, but trauma, emotional or physical abuse in childhood can have a crippling effect on this development, with fear becoming predominant at a young age. Fear and love are antagonistic, and they each undo each other.

Parent-child love is usually very strong and self-sacrificing. Divorce however, is a major emotional blow to the whole family, and evidence suggests that many young children of divorced parents are ‘broken-hearted’ – a similar condition to PTSD from overwhelming emotional trauma.

A very large study (Adhealth) found that the most significant protective factor for teenagers, to resist behaviour risk factors like: drugs, alcohol, sexual initiation or gangs, was increased parent-child contact time. With reduced parent-child time spent, peer pressure and exposure to risk factors increases dramatically.

Of course this protective influence can be reduced by either the parent not being available due to work commitments; or else the teen can resent parental input and isolate themselves from the life experience and wisdom of their parents.

Peers are increasingly influential as we grow up.

In the 1950’s, before the sexual revolution which came with the contraceptive pill in the early 60’s, there was no distinct Teenage Culture. Innocent-minded adolescents were simply 'Young Adults in training' .

Today teens are increasingly encouraged to be

‘Young Adults with no boundaries' from media influences and peer pressure.

However, 'Boundaries are a Protection, not a Restriction' and the Conscience still causes them to lose their peace.

Social media also greatly reduces personal interaction in the home, and the addictive  ‘Dopamine Buzz’ from ‘likes’ and affirmation on Social Media interaction, greatly increases pressure to conform to peer pressure values and risk factor behaviour.

Within our life journey, frequently a particular conversation with a relative, a family friend, or a random conversation with a stranger, can have a surprisingly big effect on your viewpoint and values, going forward.

In the marriage setting, a major benefit of sexual intimacy ‘making love’, is that it re-bonds the couple so that they overlook the faults of their partner. ‘Love covers’  as they say.

BUT, when this sexual dynamic is brought into courtship – your search for a long-term life partner, the ‘blindness to their faults’ can often lead to overlooking major problems and incompatible couples…. Finally then, breaking up after several years saying: “What was I thinking – he/she’s always been like this!”

So best to keep sex out of courtship, since it clouds your search for your perfect ‘soul mate’.

The Marriage Bond, is the height of the love experience between two people, when they give all of themselves, and their best effort with trust and generosity, to the relationship. So divorce is particularly devastating for most people.



In any relationship or meeting of people, we must watch out for ‘The Accuser’ turning up to spoil things. A friendly gathering can be happening, maybe even a Date Night between a couple, but when one person accuses another of something, the atmosphere immediately changes into something much more negative: “You did …!”; “You made a mess of that didn’t you!”; “You are rubbish at that …!”

THEN, the happy smiley atmosphere is lost and it is difficult to get it back. – An argument often ensues, or at least a sullen silence. So always watch out for ‘The Accuser’ entering your conversations, and try to stop immediately the negative direction, before the day is spoiled.

In the Bible, Jesus called the devil ‘The Accuser’ as a warning - so we would more readily identify when he was at work, trying to cause division and unforgiveness between people.

The opposite of resentment and accusation, is love and forgiveness – treat others as you would like to be treated. Love covers a multitude of sins.